i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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