Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
