It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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