I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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