how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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