i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
