You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
