I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nutella sex= disaster
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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