I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
