based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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