i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
