He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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