so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize