There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
