I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
