I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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