That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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