I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
