what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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