one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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