I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
