when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
