I haven't been this sober since birth.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
