I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
