My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
