It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
