youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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