got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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