And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize