i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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