no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this hospital has no fireball
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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