Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
