Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
