Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
