I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
