i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
