hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
