She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
