he thought i was a dude.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
