idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
only if we run a train.
done.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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