Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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