ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
