Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
