I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
