yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My dick has a subreddit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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