speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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