WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
