I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
