Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
