Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
