Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
