We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
