i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
