My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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