No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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