DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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