he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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