just tell him i said nine months
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
