I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
