last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
