where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
