In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
