so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
